why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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