So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
