The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
