Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
