so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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