My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
