Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
