I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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