wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
