my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
