I'm going to jail i love you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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