girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
