We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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