i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
