I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
