ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
