and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
