I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
