Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
