I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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