i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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