I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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