well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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