Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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