God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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