New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
