i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
