Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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