Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
