he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
