if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I want a musical about memes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
