Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bring me that man meat
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
