Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
