I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
