I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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