dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
