I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
