wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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