You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
