Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
