I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
