Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't notice because vodka
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
