I CAN MOONWALK!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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