I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
