Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
