nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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