OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
smell my finger.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
