The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
