I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
