Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
