im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
