i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
