She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
