I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
