i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
