I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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