He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
