i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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