Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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