Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
