Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
