You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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