So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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