Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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