yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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