I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
