i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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