Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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