Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
