my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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