MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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