So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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