someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
