Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
