Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
