Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
