so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
