We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
