We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
