I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
