The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
